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I can’t live that way.I can’t stop reliving that day.I finally understand how betrayed you felt when the people you cared about let you down. I want to apologize for trivializing your feelings about Susan and Tara. I finally understand your reluctance to have anything to do with them.Please note that I’m not apologizing for pushing you to forgive them. I still think I was right about that part. But I’m sorry for thinking your feelings were unjustified.Leah cleared that up for me. That’s for sure.But just like you told me once, my feelings aren’t necessarily rational but it doesn’t change them.I feel betrayed by my sister. But I also feel betrayed by my parents for not stopping her. And sadly, my love, I feel betrayed by you too for not protecting me.But I know these thoughts aren’t rational so I’m going away for a while to fix things. I need to be able to close my eyes without seeing that day. I need to be able to see you without reliving the last time you held me in your arms.I want. "But you're right it does." It doesn't happen to me ... usually," she said, her eyes glued to my bulging robe."I don't see why not," I replied. "Nothing wrong with your looks." (A little white lie, but excusable, I thought.)"You're too kind, but I know I'm no great shakes in the looks department," she said."It's not all about looks," I said. "Sometimes it's personality, other times opportunity." So you er ... find me ... um ... attractive John?" she asked, swallowing slightly, her eyes never having moved away from my bulging robe.Dear God! I thought I'm coming 'on' to the vicar's wife."Obviously," I said with a smile. "Part of it is the sheer unavailability of you; the rest is just me being a man in the company of an attractive woman." Er yes, I suppose I am unavailable," she answered, sadly I thought."Rather like Bathsheba in the Bible," I said."She paid a terrible price," she replied."Yes, became favourite wife of the king and her son was one of the greatest kings in Israel's.
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